BULLYING ISSUES
What is Bullying? Bullying is an imbalance and abuse of power combined with malicious intent, resulting in repeated and systematic physical or emotional harassment, causing pain and embarrassment to the victim. It can be exhibited in several forms: physical, verbal, emotional, sexual or cyber bullying. The term “bullying” does not refer to casual teasing, and students can and should be taught to distinguish between the two.
Who are the Bullies? Bullies are confident and aggressive and come from homes where these traits are modeled and there is poor supervision. Sometimes they need a victim in order to work out their own problems, feel important, powerful and in control. They find it hard to feel empathy. They often have difficulty conforming to rules and can be defiant toward adults.
Who are the Victims? Some victims can be quiet, passive, submissive, lack social skills, be physically weak and relate better to adults than to kids their own age. Another type of victim is the provocative victim, who is hot-tempered, immature, and impulsive and also lacks social skills. These victims can be anxious and aggressive and show irritating or inappropriate social behavior, provoking the bullies to pick on them.
Is your child being bullied, and what can you do about it? Warning signs include damaged belongings, unexplained injuries, lack of friends, fear of or lack of interest in school, poor appetite, headaches and stomach aches, unexpected mood shifts, problems sleeping and depression. Talk and listen to your child. Understand that most bullying episodes occur out of the view of adults. Teach him to project confidence and stay calm. Empower him with strategies. Instruct him to avoid bullies. Prepare him to be confident and assertive. Help him develop appropriate social skills to make friends. Encourage him to stick with a group and avoid being alone. Tell him to report the bully. Tattling and telling are not the same - tattling is just to get someone in trouble, telling is for safety. BMS faculty, administrators and staff address reports of bullying immediately. Respond to your child’s concerns and fears with patience, love and support.
Is your child a bully and what can you do about it? Your child may be a bully if he displays the characteristics listed for bullies above. You can help your child avoid being a bully by setting a good example, by developing a consistent family rules system, and by providing good supervision. If you discover that your child is engaging in bullying behaviors, make it clear that you take bullying seriously and will not tolerate it, and deliver consistent and appropriate consequences. Remind him that explanations such as “it was a joke” or “it was just for fun” are not acceptable. Reward him when he exhibits good behavior.
Finally, teach your child that he has the power to stop bullying by being an effective, sensitive and attentive bystander. Encourage him not to join in when there is a joke at another student’s expense. Help him understand how to put himself in another person’s shoes – to empathize. Explain that there is strength in numbers. Teach him not to tolerate bullying.